I actually feel a little queasy writing about this because it seems to me, upon examination, a great moral failing on my behalf. I am making myself sick thinking of the quickening of pace on the sidewalk to catch up with a girl wearing horrible shoes, an unfortunate dress, a clueless tourist with salon set hair, or a Jack Spratt type holding hands with his very large wife (in my not-so-defensible defense, I always delete the photos and never post them on the web. Never).
And it's always women (unless there's a man walking down the street wearing a leotard and stilettos or a man walking with a cat perched atop his head).
There have been several things in the past few months that have really brought these thoughts to the forefront. The first was Ashlee Judd's beautifully articulate and powerful letter to the media chastising them for calling her old and puffy in her television series (I blogged about it, just look a few entries down). There have been several legislative actions unfolding that are seeking to take away a women's right to contraception, which in turn greatly effects her ability to family plan, which effects her long term wages and the income of her family.
Then there was the Time Magazine cover that featured the words "Are You Mom Enough?" and a picture of a very attractive woman breastfeeding her three year old son. Here is the link to more pictures of women breastfeeding older children. http://lightbox.time.com/2012/05/10/parenting/?iid=lb-gal-viewagn#1
When this magazine came in the office mail, I was intrigued and admittedly, a little repulsed. Here it was, a sensationalized, almost prurient picture of a beautiful woman with a little boy at her breast, and then it made me angry. Angry at whoever put that picture on the cover and angry at whoever put the crazy-eyed Michelle Bachmann on the cover of Newsweek.
Later that week I was at book club with four of the brightest girls you could hope to meet, and the topic of the cover came up. I am the first to admit that sometimes our line of conversation wanders a bit, but we ended up on the topic of what makes a woman successful. One girl told the story of someone she went to high school with whose only goal in life was to marry her high school boyfriend and have his babies. My friend said that she is one of the happiest people she knows. Some in the group argued that this woman was delusional, that there was no possible way she could be happy, she simply didn't know any better, didn't know that there was a great big world out there for the taking.
As I sat with them in the settling dusk on 75th Street at an outdoor cafe, I thought to myself, "This kind of conversation among us isn't going to help." Women, for the same job at the same level, make about .75 cents on the dollar that a man does. Women are having to, in some states, undergo unnecessary medical procedures in order to have an abortion which, in case you forgot Roe vs. Wade, is legal. Yet we far outpace men in Bachelors and Masters Degrees, we make up more of the total workforce. If every woman in America didn't show up to work, things would grind to a halt.
We have power. Yet cultural and social norms tell us to be nurturing, to ask permission, to be gentle and have a reserved opinion. They tell us to not claim our power. They tell us to ask for it with a "pretty pretty please."
I know we can claim it, but there are a few things that have to stop: Judging each other's choices, creating snide commentary about those who wear what you might consider bad clothing, bad hair-dos, being overweight or obese, and judging their bigger life choices, such as breastfeeding, marrying their high-school boyfriend, being a stay-at-home mom, or on the other side of this equation, judging women who choose to delay childbirth and rearing, those who choose to work, those who choose to simply not marry. Just because a woman is not married does not make her a hag, just because she has "feminist" beliefs does not make her a bitch, just because she has five kids and wears sweatpants all day does not make her a baby pushing doormat.
Let's listen with compassion and an open mind to each other's stories, THEN make decisions about character.
I saw this on a friend's facebook page. This is part of the problem, this stereotyping of ourselves. Don't let men, other women, or politicians define you. You define you.
How do you feel about this poster? For me, it's up there with "Gol, why do you have to be so PMS-y! Sheesh."
