Prayers for people who lose things

Sometimes we lose things: People, love, pets, our favorite necklace, wedding rings down bathroom drains. I remember one time dropping my wedding ring down the bathroom drain accidentally and the sense of panic and the onset of complete nausea as I watched something precious disappear. It was palpable, a tinny taste in my throat and mouth.

It's no secret that we are all going to die. We don't know when or how, yet we know that it will happen. Sometimes I wonder if it's a blessing of sorts to be diagnosed with something like terminal cancer. You and your family know that the day is soon. You set your house in order, tell everyone you know that they are loved and held so esteemed. And we, the people who get to watch the dying learn compassion, faith, hope. We get to decide ahead of time how we are going to handle someone we love leaving this sphere and being in the hereafter, whatever that may be for you.

So I would like to acknowledge the people who have passed who may be precious to me or precious to people I know. I cannot empathize with your suffering and anguish but I hope that you can teach me compassion.

Ruben O., who lost his 8 year old daughter to cancer. Wade-o, who moved to Canada to be close to his father as he fights Multiple Myeloma. My roomie Tom who lost a friend to Leukemia. Sweet baby sis Boo, who lost her MIL just yesterday to cancer. Her husband loses his mother, her FIL his wife, his true love, we hope. My roomie Shane lost his brother Scott to a car accident as he was driving to pick up his first date. I have two friends suffering HIV. My friend S has a friend who lost both of her sons; one to murder and the other to cancer. A theatre associate and friend of mine overdosed on morphine. He was 20. I sang a song from Peter Pan at his funeral. It's a song about a boy who will never grow old. My friend Shannon, all of 20, died in a head-on collision with a semi-truck in rural Wyoming. The kicker: she was on her way home after traveling to see me in a show.

These are the things that are on the top of my head. I could think of more if I dug further into my past, but none of this will bring them back to us. I just want to know, somehow, that there is method to this madness. Stock religious answers don't satisfy me. So I will try to comfort myself with the thought that I have right here, right now to love people. I KNOW beyond a doubt that I am flawed in this and every other aspect of my life. But I am learning. I hope that I always continue to learn.

Should I ever wear a wedding band again and if that thing should go down the drain, I will remember that it is just a thing; a symbol but still a thing. Instead of panicking, I will grab that man, hold him tight and know that losing the symbol does not make our love any less real.

Ode to Pops

Since I'm here in the NYC and can't be there for Father's Day, I thought that I would type a top-ten list for the old guy. You know, the Dad top 10. So here are my top-ten favorite things about Dad, in no particular order:

1. Dad, you are inseparable from that damn lawn mower. It cracks me up to no end.
2. You can't fault a man for liking malt balls and Dr. Pepper.
3. You did buy me chocolate soda and proved, once and for all, that I will not drink just anything with caffeine in it.
4. You took time out of your day to walk sweet Yeti when Wade and I were unable to.
5. You wouldn't come see Dracula because you were too scared. Awwww...kinda sweet.
6. You helped me research all those airplanes when I did A Place in the Sky. Remember those days at the Air Force Museum and library?
7. You always squint one eye when you brush your hair. The left one, I think.
8. You are one stubborn son of a bitch.
9. You are partially made of metal.
10. You were my soccer coach and you let us dump water on your head all the time. That's nice.

Now, so Mom won't feel left out and since I didn't think of this until today, thereby completely missing Mother's Day, I better put one up for Mom, too.

1. Remember back in the day when you used to buy me underwear? Very sweet.
2. You always fold laundry into perfect little piles.
3. You make your shoes shiny white so they'll always look pretty and new.
4. You take care of all the little babies; your grandkids and others.
5. Your nostrils flare when you laugh really hard (an oldie, but a goodie).
6. You are fighting age like a warrior. I love it!
7. You don't wear old lady clothes.
8. You let dad ride around on his lawn mower all day.
9. When I didn't get into the special choir in 9th grade, you let me check out of school, come home and cry.
10. You wouldn't let me dye my hair black.

And here's what I admire the most about Mom and Dad as a twosome: They love eachother. Fiercely, adamantly. They don't judge anybody. They love their family as much as their hearts can pour out. So Happy Father's Day, Pops, and Happy Belated Mother's Day, Mom. Enjoy your grilling!

Birthday party fun!

So last night was my birthday party! It ended being kind of strange because the party was combined with Ariel from Mermaid. And that's me above with Michelle, the only Mermaid that counts. But there were a ton of people there, only some of whom I knew, but my half of the rented area was the cool kid half, and we had a great time!
These are my good friends Kraig and Jeremy. Two of the most talented men you will ever meet. Jeremy is currently in Phantom on the Bway and Kraig has won two Barrymore Awards, a very prestigious theatre award.

My sweet roomies, Tom and Shane. Shane is the Associate Choreographer for The Grinch on Bway and is likely headed back to Bway as an actor in an upcoming production. Tom has created classes and workshops for Vassar and is a very successful actor as well. He is headed to grad school in the fall. I will miss him.
These are three of my Producer boys who came out for the fun! From left to right: Leo Bloom, the lead tenor who sang Springtime for Hitler, and Carmen Ghia. All ridiculously talented men and good friends.
And this is me; laughing! I had such an amazing time and felt so blessed to have so many people come to celebrate my birthday!