I will preface this by saying that when it comes to love and marriage, I am (surprise) a cold-hearted cynic. I see a lot of relationships glued together by bills, children, taking their partner for granted, and a general sense of malaise. You know, why leave when you can stay home and put up with someone?
But last night, I saw something wonderful and beautiful, which made me wonder if love is not as cynical as I think it is. My good friend E married her longtime boyfriend, R. It was a charming ceremony, very intimate and warm. I have never attended a Jewish wedding, and I was captivated by the enthusiastic opera singing rabbi (if you're curious, just ask). Later, my girlfriends and I all laughed over dinner, danced with the band, and snuck off in gaggles to confer in the ladies room. E and R were their truest versions of themselves. It was like our well-crafted New York City facades had been pulled aside and we all watched them just beam.
So, perhaps I saw the first blush of newly married love. But I think what I saw was their willingness to look beyond the antiquated notions of marriage and to make it the best version of love they know how to make.
Big thanks to E and R. I can only wish the utmost happiness to the Southern Belle and R the curmudgeon. You cast a ray of light into my opinions.
1 comment:
Marriage is about love like school is about knowledge. On the surface it seems obvious that it IS, but upon further reflection you realize that it really isn't at all. You can gain all the knowledge you are willing to work for (and some that just gets thrown in your face) outside of school. Some of the most intelligent people I know didn't go to very much school at all. School is about formality, about society, about showing you can play by the rules and having proof that you are indeed committed to a course of action and an outcome. School can be important, even vital, and I respect those who go to school to get a degree. They show a great deal of respect for self, for others, and for the rules that hold society together. Love and marriage seem the same to me. Love exists before, outside of, after, even during (if you're lucky) marriage. The heart can be extremely devoted without any outside institution granting "permission." Love might be the single biggest impetus for a marriage, but by no means should it be the only one. Marriage is about commitment, and ceremony, and living in a society. It's about legalities, and power of attorney, and asking the world to honor your commitment. Love can exist, even thrive without the formal institution of marriage, and good marriages can exist devoid of love (but they probably don't very often.) Yes, I think love and marriage (like knowledge and school) do not automatically involve each other at all. But with love and marriage, when you get the synergy of heartfelt devotion combined with social duty and responsibility, it can truly be an exquisite thing. Something to be striven for, in my opinion.
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